Monthly Archives: September 2015

Killer Crocs, Man!

While the fam and I were out on a family adventure over the weekend, we stayed at a hotel. During this hotel visit, I had the misfortune of watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.” I should’ve realized it was a bad idea when the word “God” is pluralized in the title.

 

Here’s a description of the movie from Wikipedia:

Exodus: Gods and Kings is a 2014 biblically-inspired epic film directed by Ridley Scott. It was written by Adam Cooper, Bill Collage, Jeffrey Caine and Steven Zaillian. The film stars Christian Bale, Joel Edgerton, John Turturro, Aaron Paul, Ben Mendelsohn, María Valverde, Sigourney Weaver, Ghassan Massoud, Golshifteh Farahani and Ben Kingsley. It is a loose interpretation of the story of the exodus of the Hebrews from Egypt as led by Moses and related in the Book of Exodus.”

 

A loose interpretation? That’s generous at best.

 

I’ll admit that I didn’t see the first 1/3 of the film, but I highly doubt it would sway my review. I found myself plopped into a scene with Moses and a little British boy. They were arguing and it was painful to realize that this little boy (who sounded like he was from “Another Brick in the Wall” Pink Floyd song) represented God and/or His messenger.

 

About the only redeeming part of the entire movie was the visual effects of the plagues, but even they were flawed. The plague of water to blood was caused by…trained crocodiles? Really?! So, then that set up the frogs fleeing the Nile (because the crocs couldn’t get to all the water). It’s just a convenient excuse that sets up plagues, one caused by another (flies are because stuff dies). CGI is wonderful to show the infestation, but I was already put off by the lack of God and remained ambivalent throughout the entire plagues.

 

Until the death of the first born. My writer’s brain has always toyed with the story of the plagues: the smell after water turning to blood and the livestock dying. Personally, especially after I became a mom and Thing 1 had a health scare as a one-month old, I envisioned the death plague very similar to Ridley Scott’s portrayal. The sound of weeping and utter despair filling the night was the sole highlight for me because the film was finally spot on.

 

Then back to disappointment. Thing 2 was mad that the cloud of fire wasn’t shown. Moses chucks his sword into the Red Sea (after he loses his directions and prays behind a rock to God and leaves before an answer because apparently Moses ain’t got time for that). The water “kind of” goes down. I just taught this same Sunday School lesson earlier this year and the Israelites walked on dry land, Ridley. They didn’t wade through hip high water. Cue a dramatic meeting of Moses and Ramses in front of a looming wave (and don’t forget the swelling music) before they both are washed away by said wave. Blah. Whatever. Moses ends up sitting on a beach where Aaron finds him and they give each other bro head nods. “Sup?”

 

Don’t watch this movie if you don’t want to make yourself crazy because it’s “loosely” interpreted from the Bible. It’s less than loose – the character names happen to coincide. Watch this movie if you want a lesson on Egyptian eyeliner. And how to train killer crocodiles.

exWhere do you buy your kohl?!


Color Coded Highlighters

There are plenty of memes floating around about writers and what they “actually” do. Those who are blessed enough to be full-time writers have a much different path than I do right now (working one full-time and one part-time job on top of wife, mom, Sunday School, AWANA, “hey can you…”) . However, they also have a job filled with misconceptions by those who have never struggled putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard (yes, even though we type our manuscripts, we all have pieces of papers floating around with juicy plot points).

IMG_5779Here’s proof of one of mine in my purse from Sunday’s sermon…

Lots of classes and people in the publishing industry suggest setting time aside to write. And I try. Really, I do. But then I am attacked by sticks and coaching soccer in the pouring rain. Add in some church duties and family priorities, and this season of my life is a jumble of horrible handwriting and color coded highlighters:

IMG_5799

I’m not complaining! God has given me a full and wonderful life and a relatively healthy body (even if I’m still gimpy from the ninja stick). Even when I was laid up, my brain was bouncing on projects I needed to do: gutter cleaning before the rain, editing the next chapter of the first book, looking for writing contests I could enter and what I could throw together for dinner.

 

So, I am sorry that I’ve dwindled down to a post a week lately. Unless my plans change, it will likely hold true for next week, as school events and my family take precedence over this blog. And while I love all six of my readers, I only have so much time.

 

Years ago, as a PK (pastor’s kid), I learned a simple tool to make sure my life was in the correct order to what God wants:

  1. God
  2. Family
  3. Church
  4. Others

I’ll be back more often in a few weeks. I have a couple of TV shows to review and some great movies are releasing soon. In the meanwhile, if you have any suggestions, let me know. Oddly enough, I work best under pressure. Except the pressure of a stick in my foot…because that just pain hurts.


And Suddenly…A Stick

I was attacked by a ninja on Monday.

Chuck Norris and I were sparing.

There was a pack of stick wielding thugs.

A random stick impaled me.

I stepped on a stick on Monday.

 

While this may seem ordinary to you, as it was to me on Sunday, I am now otherwise informed. By someone with “M.D.” after his name, no less.

 

You see, sticks apparently have it out for the human race. Not only are they pretend guns and swords, make slingshots or prop up boxes to catch heffalumps and woozles, they have a knack to create havoc with one’s immunity.

hw

And while I searched high and low for a Bible verse about sticks, mostly I laid around. Or, if you’re good friends with the thesaurus, I lounged. Doctor’s orders.

 

Lounging is overrated for someone that likes to be busy. That’s me. And, unfortunately, the creative juices don’t just flow because I’m at a physical stand still. When I stopped and considered, I now see the things I’ve learned:

  1. God gets my attention in inventive and odd ways.
  2. God created that poor stick. I crushed that little stick’s soul.
  3. I wish the story had ninjas or Chuck Norris.
  4. Even binge watching can get boring.
  5. God’s sense of humor was apparent by the angle of that stick.
  6. Really, really wish ninjas were involved.

chuck

So once again, it’s a one post week and I apologize. To all six of you…


We Now Interrupt You…

No one has a timetable for my blog posts. Not even me. But, I usually hold myself accountable and try to post twice a week. That said, this will be the only post for this week.

 

Sometimes God gives us a big ol’ smackdown. It may be in the form of rejection (see previous post) or it may be a family ordeal. And then there are the times He reins you back with the unexpected. This is a post on my unexpected…this is about Cooper.

 

I will start by blaming my mom. 🙂  My mom has a tendency to jump into things with both feet. I love that about her. Miniature donkeys? Why buy one the first time around when you can start with six (When Lil’ Donkeys Fly Ranch)? Corgi dogs? So cute and stubby to match the lil’ donkeys! Mom’s first one (yes…she has more!) was such a fantastic dog that I pulled off the ultimate surprise Christmas present and bought one for my hubby. It took lots of internet searching and a secret plane ride to Oregon, but I pulled it off!!! Meet baby Cooper:

baby coopIsn’t he so squee-able with my shoe? Circa 2005

 

In case you didn’t know, Pembroke Welsh Corgis are the dog of choice for the Queen of England, so they are good enough for us.

Queen-Elizabeth-Corgi(yes, they like James Bond too)

Cooper was always happy. When he barked, it was a delightful “Woof!” that coincided with his front paws leaving the ground. In fact, if Cooper had a cartoon bubble, it would say, “Woof!” His stumpy tail wiggled with the rest of his body. He was the quintessential “Best Dog Ever.”

 

Early yesterday morning, he kept pawing at my bed and so I let him out. At one in the morning, my manners aren’t so stellar; I was frustrated when he sat in the driveway and wouldn’t come back in, so I went back to bed. Ever the gentleman, Cooper laid down on the front step to the house sometime after I closed the door and drifted into eternal sleep.

 

This week has been a rough week at the farm between maverick coyotes and a stillborn donkey. Throw in two story rejections and Cooper’s death hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d already had to shuffle my emotions with the previous “unexpected” in the week and Cooper just stopped me in my tracks. He was my silly buddy that tipped over (a dog with three inch legs tips over) for belly rubs. No longer will Coop sprint away when I point at the other corgi (yes…we have more!) and encourage, “Go get him!”

 

When God hands you an unexpected interruption in life, He also gives you choices on how you react. I’ve been knocked down this week, but I also know that I have had a reasonable week compared to those with much greater unexpected interruptions and I praise God for my minor bumps! I’m thankful for my tears for Cooper because he was loved and brought joy into my life.

COoper


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